Shaadi ke baad pata chala… loneliness sirf single logon ko nahi hoti

Mujhe honestly lagta tha shaadi ke baad life emotionally easier ho jaati hai. Ek partner hota hai. Ek “apna” insaan. Koi jo tumhari side pe ho no matter what. Lekin shaadi ke 4 saal baad mujhe jo cheez sabse zyada feel hoti hai na… woh hai loneliness. Aur weird part yeh hai ki main technically kabhi akeli nahi hoti. Ghar mein log hote hain. Calls hoti hain. Daily routine hota hai. Par emotionally… I feel completely disconnected. Pehle hum har choti baat share karte the. Ab conversations sirf bills, khana, ghar ke kaam aur responsibilities tak reh gayi hain. Kabhi kabhi main intentionally random baatein start karti hoon just to feel some connection again… but uska response mostly “hmm”, “haan”, “dekhenge” type hota hai. Aur dheere dheere maine bhi bolna kam kar diya. Sabse painful part pata hai kya hai? Jab aap kisi se physically itne close ho… but emotionally unse baat karne ka mann hi nahi karta anymore. Arguments bhi ab loud nahi hote. Bas silence hota hai. Cold silence. Aur Indian marriages mein ek aur problem hai — jab tak cheating ya physical abuse na ho, log automatically assume karte hain ki “sab normal hai”. But nobody talks about emotional neglect. Nobody talks about how lonely marriage can become when effort sirf ek side se aa raha ho. Kabhi kabhi mujhe guilt hota hai yeh sab feel karne ke liye. Because technically mera husband “bura” insaan nahi hai. Bas emotionally unavailable hai. Aur honestly… I don’t know which one hurts more. Aaj kal main bas routine follow kar rahi hoon. Smile karti hoon. Family functions attend karti hoon. Normal wife jaisa act karti hoon. But internally, I genuinely miss feeling emotionally seen by someone. Kya long-term marriages mein sabke saath aisa hota hai eventually… ya hum sirf survive karna seekh lete hain instead of actually feeling happy?